How to Support a Loved One with Binge Eating (Without Making Things Worse)
Binge eating is often called a “secret struggle.” The secrecy doesn’t come from dishonesty, it comes from shame. Wrappers are hidden, evidence is tucked away, stories are carefully managed. For the person living with it, speaking aloud about binge eating can feel unbearable.
If you’re a friend, partner, or family member, you may feel helpless. You may want to fix it, offer advice, or “encourage” them to make changes. But often, those well-meaning responses add to the shame and make it even harder to talk.
This guide is for you, the loved one who wants to respond with compassion instead of judgment.
Q&A: Common Worries from Loved Ones
Q1: What should I do if my loved one tells me they binge eat?
Pause and recognise what just happened. Sharing this secret is an act of profound courage. They may have built up to telling you for weeks, months, years. You don’t need to have the perfect response. Simply say: “Thank you for trusting me. I’m here with you.” Listening without rushing to fix is the most healing thing you can offer.
Q2: What if I find wrappers or evidence and they haven’t told me?
It’s tempting to confront, tease, or question. But secrecy is part of the disorder, and shame is already heavy. Instead, approach softly: “I came across this. You don’t have to explain, but I want you to know you can talk to me if you ever want to.” The key is leaving the door open without pushing.
Q3: Should I suggest diets, fasting, or healthier snacks?
No. Binge eating is not about willpower, greed, or poor choices. It’s about coping, numbing, and survival. Advice about food or exercise often adds pressure and shame. Instead, try curiosity and compassion. Let them know you see their pain, not just the behaviour.
Q4: How can I support them without making them feel exposed?
Respect their pace. Keep confidentiality. Don’t mention it in front of others. Instead of solutions, offer presence: “I don’t know exactly what this feels like, but I care about you and I want to learn how to support you.” Being steady, trustworthy, and safe goes further than advice ever could.
Q5: How do I look after myself while supporting them?
Supporting someone can bring up frustration, fear, or helplessness. You’re allowed to feel that too. Seek your own support if needed from a counsellor, support group, or trusted friend. Taking care of yourself gives you the capacity to walk beside them without burning out.
What Not to Say (and Gentler Alternatives)
❌ “Did you really eat all that?”
✅ “I care about you. I’m here if you ever want to talk.”
Why it matters: Teasing or confronting adds shame; reassurance reduces it.
❌ “You just need more willpower.”
✅ “This sounds painful. I don’t pretend to have answers, but I want to listen.”
Why it matters: Binge eating isn’t about willpower. Listening builds trust.
❌ “Have you tried dieting / fasting / cutting carbs?”
✅ “I know food feels complicated for you right now. I won’t give advice, but I’ll walk with you through this.”
Why it matters: Dieting usually fuels the cycle. Compassion breaks it.
❌ “Why don’t you just stop?”
✅ “I can see this feels really hard. You don’t have to go through it alone.”
Why it matters: “Just stop” dismisses the struggle; empathy validates it.
❌ “I won’t tell anyone, but you need to change.”
✅ “Thank you for trusting me with this. I’ll respect your pace.”
Why it matters: Pressure can shut someone down; honouring their pace builds safety.
If someone lets you in on their secret, it’s not a failure, it’s an act of courage. Your role isn’t to fix them, but to be steady, soft, and safe. That presence, more than any advice, can help break the cycle of silence and shame.
Whether you’re reading this as someone who struggles with binge eating, or as someone who loves them, you deserve support that is kind, respectful, and shame-free. I share resources for both on my mailing list, and you’re warmly welcome to join.
Julie x
