How to Write a Self -Compassionate Letter to Yourself

Most of us are far quicker to show kindness to others than to ourselves. We reassure friends when they’re hurting, encourage our children when they’re doubting themselves, and offer patience when someone we love makes a mistake. Yet when it comes to our own struggles, many of us turn on the harsh inner critic.

That inner voice can sound convincing. It might tell you that you’re weak, lazy, or failing. Over time, it can become so normal that self-criticism feels like the only way to “motivate” yourself, even if it leaves you anxious, ashamed, or stuck.

Writing a self-compassionate letter is one way to interrupt this pattern. It might sound simple, but putting pen to paper allows you to hear another voice: one that is gentler, supportive, and on your side.

It can feel unfamiliar at first. You might notice resistance (“this is silly” or “I don’t deserve kindness”). That’s normal. But the very act of trying is a huge step towards relating to yourself differently.

Step 1: Create the Right Space

Compassion needs space to breathe. Choose somewhere you can feel safe and undisturbed for a while. This might be a cosy chair with a blanket, a quiet corner with a cup of tea, or even outdoors if nature soothes you. Some people like to light a candle, play soft music, or journal before they start. There’s no rule here, the intention is simply to signal to yourself: this moment matters.

Step 2: Decide How You’ll Address Yourself

There’s no “correct” way. Some people like “Dear Me” or “Dear [Your Name]”, which can create a sense of distance and make it easier to soften the tone. Others prefer to write using “I” statements, which feels more direct. You might even try both and notice what feels most natural.

Step 3: Choose a Struggle to Write About

Think of a recent situation where you’ve felt critical of yourself, maybe you made a mistake, felt rejected, or judged your body harshly. It doesn’t need to be the biggest thing in your life; even something small can open the door. Let that be your starting point.

Step 4: Write As You Would to a Friend

This is the heart of the practice. Imagine someone you care about came to you with the same struggle. What would you say to them? How would you reassure them, comfort them, remind them they’re not alone?

• You might acknowledge their pain: “This really hurts, and it makes sense that you feel this way.”
  
  

• You might offer perspective: “One mistake doesn’t define who you are.”
  
  

• You might express encouragement: “I believe in your ability to get through this.”
  
  

Then, gently turn those words towards yourself.

Step 5: Expect Mixed Feelings

For many people, this step feels strange. Self-compassion may stir discomfort, awkwardness, or even tears. You might hear your critic whisper: “You don’t deserve this.” That’s part of the process. It doesn’t mean you’re doing it wrong, it means you’re touching something vulnerable. Pause if you need to, breathe, and keep going with gentleness.

Step 6: Re-Read and Notice the Impact

When you finish, read your letter slowly. Notice how it feels to hear those words directed at you. You might feel soothed, moved, unsettled, or simply quiet. All responses are valid. Over time, these letters can become touchstones, reminders that a kinder voice exists within you, waiting to be heard.

Why This Matters

Self-compassion isn’t about ignoring mistakes or pretending everything is fine. It’s about relating to yourself as a human being who is doing their best in difficult circumstances. Research shows that self-compassion reduces anxiety, strengthens resilience, and helps us feel more connected to others.

The more you practise speaking to yourself in this way, the more natural it becomes. Bit by bit, the critic’s voice loses its power, and your own voice grows stronger.

💛 If you’d like to try this for yourself, I’ve created a simple printable template to guide you. It includes gentle prompts and plenty of space to write your own-self compassionate letter.

Download you free template here

✨ And if this exercise resonates with you, know that you don’t have to do this work alone. In my group programme, “Unmasking the Inner Critic,” we explore exactly these kinds of practices in a safe and supportive space.