When Self-Care Feels Too Far Away
Self-care is one of those things we’re told we should just do, like brushing our teeth, booking the dentist, or cooking a nourishing meal. But for so many of the women I work with, self-care isn’t simple. It’s tangled up with years of shame, emotional suppression, and the quiet ache of never feeling quite worthy of taking up space.
If you’ve ever sat in the discomfort of knowing you need to do something, like shower, return a call, or put clean sheets on the bed, but feeling frozen instead, you’re not alone.
And it’s not laziness.
It’s not failure.
It’s not a character flaw.
It’s often the residue of self-abandonment, a survival strategy learned over years of people-pleasing, pushing through, and silencing your own needs to stay safe, accepted, or loved.
The Silent Cost of Self-Abandonment
Self-abandonment isn’t always loud or dramatic.
Sometimes it looks like:
Dismissing your hunger until it disappears
Cancelling your own plans to be available for everyone else
Telling yourself “it’s not that bad” when your body is screaming for rest
Going numb instead of acknowledging just how overwhelmed you feel
Over time, these small betrayals of self can leave you feeling hollow. And when you’ve been living like this for years, even small acts of self-care can feel impossibly hard. Heading to the dentist, replying to texts, booking time off, it all feels too much because for so long, you haven’t factored into your own life.
And I want to say gently: it makes sense.
When you’ve lived in that deep, dark place, when you’ve gone days without washing your hair, when your to-do list feels like a list of failures, when your skin crawls at the thought of being seen. self-care can feel confronting.
Not because you don’t care.
But because it brings you face to face with all the ways you’ve been neglected, sometimes by others, sometimes by yourself. That kind of reckoning can be painful.
Real Self-Care Starts Small, and it’s Never Performative
Self-care doesn’t start with a glowing morning routine or a £60 face serum.
It starts with offering yourself permission to be a beginner.
It’s letting yourself eat lunch sitting down.
It’s brushing your teeth at 2pm because the morning didn’t go to plan.
It’s whispering “you’re allowed to rest” even when the to-do list is screaming louder.
The Self-Care Starter Pack I created isn’t about perfection. It’s about helping you come back to yourself in tiny, doable ways. It’s designed for the women who feel lost in the swirl of “shoulds,” who feel guilty for needing anything at all, and who have been so good at hiding their struggles that no one ever thought to ask how they were really doing.
If You’re Struggling, Try This…
The “Just One Thing” Rule: Choose one tiny act of care today. Not ten. Just one. A glass of water, opening a window, texting someone back. Then stop. Let it be enough.
A Self-Compassion Prompt: Write down: “I’m finding it hard to care for myself because…” and see what pours out. No judgment. Just curiosity.
Your Self-Care Isn’t Up for Debate: You don’t have to earn rest, nourishment, or gentleness. They’re not rewards, they’re needs.
You don’t have to do this perfectly. You just have to begin, slowly, imperfectly, kindly.
And if you need some help getting started, the Self-Care Starter Pack is here when you’re ready. No pressure. No shame. Just support for finding your way back to yourself.
